How to Prepare for Your First Mediation Session? (With Preparation Checklist)

Understanding ADR | August 27, 2025

How to Prepare for Your First Mediation Session? (With Preparation Checklist)

Walking into your first mediation can feel challenging. You might be anxious about the process or worried that it won’t lead to a satisfactory outcome.

However, mediation isn’t about fighting to “win”; it’s about finding a solution everyone can live with. When both parties come prepared, mediation often resolves a dispute more quickly, inexpensively and flexibly than litigation.

This guide breaks down what happens at a mediation and offers a practical checklist to help you prepare emotionally and strategically so you can make the most of your session.

Understand What Mediation Is (and Isn’t)

Mediation is a flexible, confidential process in which a neutral third-party helps people negotiate their own settlement.

The mediator asks questions, reframes issues and assists participants in understanding one another; they do not make binding decisions or take sides.

Mediation can take different formats such as joint sessions where all parties are together or private “caucus” meetings with each side separately.

Because each party has veto power over any proposed deal, mediation only works if everybody is willing to participate and consider options.

What Mediation Isn’t: Unlike a trial, most mediations conclude with a negotiated settlement. Factors that make settlement attractive include the speed, lower cost, greater certainty and privacy when compared to litigation.

Even if the case doesn’t settle, you’ll gain valuable insight into the strengths and weaknesses of both sides, which can inform your next steps.

Choose the Right Mediator

If you have decided to mediate, then the second best thing here is to find the right person to help you in mediation.

Every mediator has a different style. Some are evaluative, offering opinions about the strengths and weaknesses of each case, while others are facilitative, focusing on helping the parties craft their own solution.

Many mediators use both approaches, so look for someone whose style fits your dispute and whose impartiality you trust.

In family matters or high-conflict situations (for example, when dealing with a narcissistic personality), it can be wise to choose a mediator experienced in those dynamics and to engage a therapist or coach to help you set boundaries and manage emotions.

Mediation Preparation Checklist

The following checklist consolidates best practices from mediators, judges and bar associations. Use it to organize your preparation and avoid common pitfalls.

No. 1: Identify and prioritize your interests

Think about what really matters to you (e.g., preserving a business relationship, protecting your children, or avoiding bad publicity). This exercise will help you evaluate settlement offers and suggest creative solutions.

No. 2: Know your BATNA and the other side’s BATNA

Your “Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement” (BATNA) is your walk-away option if the case doesn’t settle. Calculate the money, time, opportunity costs, and emotional stress involved in continuing litigation. Also estimate your opponent’s BATNA to understand what might motivate them. This realistic assessment helps you decide when a proposal is better than going to court.

No. 3: Gather essential documents

Bring organized copies of financial statements, property deeds, tax returns, and any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements. For child-custody issues, prepare school schedules, holiday arrangements, and medical information. The mediator may ask for discovery checklists and financial affidavits (mcconnellfamilylaw.com).

No. 4: Prepare a concise case summary

Most mediators ask for a written mediation statement summarizing the facts, key issues, and prior settlement discussions. Focus on the facts rather than legal arguments and include a realistic settlement range. Agree with the opposing party on undisputed facts and damage calculations beforehand.

No. 5: Develop your negotiation strategy

Research shows that the party making the first offer often ends up more satisfied due to anchoring. Be ready with an opening proposal supported by facts and explain why it’s fair. Avoid premature “bottom-line” offers, especially early in the session.

No. 6: Assemble your team

Ensure that anyone with authority to settle (business partners, spouses, or insurance adjusters) attends or is immediately reachable. Consider involving subject-matter experts such as financial analysts, certified divorce financial analysts, or co-parenting counselors. In high-conflict cases, a therapist can provide emotional support.

No. 7: Arrange funding and authority

If you need a loan or board approval to finalize a deal, secure it ahead of time. Coming to mediation without the ability to commit undermines negotiations.

No. 8: Practice effective communication

Speak calmly and respectfully. Authentic statements from the parties (not just the lawyers) during joint sessions can foster empathy. Use “I” statements, listen actively, and summarize what you’ve heard before responding.

No. 9: Plan for children’s best interests (child-custody mediation)

Decide what physical and legal custody arrangement makes sense, which parent will have primary residence, and how holidays and vacations will be shared. Prepare to discuss school decisions and support needs. Keeping the focus on your children can help both sides move beyond positional bargaining.

No. 10: Set boundaries when negotiating with a narcissist

If your co-party has narcissistic traits, be prepared for manipulative or grandiose behavior. Stick to facts, avoid emotional triggers, and use the mediator as a buffer. Document agreements in writing and ask for clear time limits on decision-making.

No. 11: Take care of yourself

Mediation can be emotionally taxing. Engage in self-care (exercise, sleep, counseling) and practice mindfulness or breathing exercises to stay calm. Setting personal limits and defining desired outcomes will help you negotiate without being overwhelmed.

Post Mediation: Document the Agreement

If you reach a deal, document it immediately. Steven P. McDonald advises preparing to write down the agreement during the session and ensuring everyone signs it.

If the settlement is complex, at least record key terms in writing and assign one lawyer to draft the final document. Non-monetary provisions like confidentiality and non-disparagement clauses can be contentious; discuss them early.

After the session, follow up promptly to finalize paperwork so you aren’t litigating over the settlement later.

If mediation does not resolve all issues, reflect on what you learned and decide whether further negotiation, a second session, or litigation makes sense. Sometimes it takes multiple sessions to build trust and narrow the gap.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What Should I Put In My One-Page Mediation Brief?

A good mediation brief is clear and simple. Say what the dispute is in a single line, highlight your main concern, point out three key facts, mention prior offers, and list a couple of solutions that could work.

What Non-Money Terms Can Help Close the Deal?

Sometimes it’s the small stuff that makes the deal work: payment timing, a reference, confidentiality, even an apology. If you package them right, both sides walk away with something that matters.

How Do I Know If a Settlement Number Makes Sense?

Do a quick gut-check: best case, worst case, and what’s most likely. Knock off the costs and stress, then add in the value of peace of mind. If that’s better than your walk-away, it’s probably a fair number.

Conclusion

Preparation is the key to a productive mediation. By understanding the process, clarifying your interests, assembling the right information and maintaining an open, respectful attitude, you maximize the chance of a favorable outcome.

Even in emotionally charged disputes — whether divorce, child custody, or commercial litigation — mediation offers a path to resolution that preserves relationships and reduces costs.

If you’re ready to move forward, consult with a mediator or lawyer to develop a tailored strategy and take the first step toward closing the chapter on your dispute.

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August 27, 2025